Injuries & Surgeries: The emotional component of injury...things no one ever tells you will happen (PART 2)

"People Who Need Help Sometimes Look A Lot Like People Who Don't Need Help."

~Glennon Melton

This blog post really could be addressed to anyone recovering from an injury, who has experienced death in their life, or divorce.  The emotional landscape has similar themes amongst these three pivotal rights of passage (& yes, they are that).  Let me get some things immediatley out of the way that are uncomfortable and disconcerting.  No one told me these things would happen.  They just did, and they were unexpected.  I don't want you to feel the same shock I did, so if you ever experience any of the above mentioned transitions, you can expect one or more of the following to happen to you:

1)  Your heart will break more than any body part ever will
2) People who you thought would help you in your most vulnerable state don't
3) People who you never thought would help you in your most vulnerable state do
4) Your social circle will dissipate
5) You will feel alone
6) You will be scared
7) You will question your capabilities
8) You will transform into a new person (whether you like it or not)
9) You will not look at situations, people and circumstance with the same set of eyes again
10) If you're in the medical profession, you will become better at your job


Remember these things. 

I've always been drawn to male dominated sports.  I was skateboarding with the boys as a kid.  Racing them on bikes.  Tried to join the high school surf club in 1992, and was not allowed to (yes, even in the 90's).  The teacher who was the head of the club looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sure you have better things to do than surf.  Why don't you join the cheerleading squad?"  So, that's what I did.  I would still bike down to the beach on my lunch break, and watch the surfers with envy. 

Surfing on the Oregon Coast

Here is something that I've discovered for myself, amongst disbelief, heartache, and confusion.  The vast majority of men are what I term "emotionally crippled."  From surfing, to "CrossFit," climbing to martial arts, they haven't done their inner work.  Rarely, do you find one that's "sat with his demons" in therapy, or sought after his own vulnerability.  This is something female athletes need to realize.  If you become one of the "wolf pack," realize that when you become injured, you (most likely) will be surrounded by a group of emotionally stunted "friends," who won't know how to support you through pain.  Often, I've tended to fall into the "sister" role of my "bands of merry men."  Driving "NyQuil" over to their house, at the first sign of the "man flu," checking in on them, when you don't see them in the line up, on the mats, at the gym, or at the climbing crag, etc.  But, as a female amongst a predominately male crowd, the chances of reciprocity are slim.  This is because your vulnerability mirrors their lack of coming to terms with their own.  Your injury reflects the fact to them that, they too, aren't invincible.  This, is something that shakes them to their core.  Its something they squirm with, emotionally, and don't know how to handle.  The lack of support for you will be painful.

The men, that I've noticed that tend to be the exception to this, are men who have been either raised by women, have only sisters, or are in the medical profession.  They've lived amongst and/or tend to be a bit more in touch with vulnerability, and less scared of it.

When my collarbone broke I was already working with a sports psychologist, weekly.  I was focused on training for "Masters Worlds," in the sport of Jiu-Jitsu, and sought out Melinda Halpern from "GRIT Performance."  Melinda's expertise is performance enhancement, and working through any mental/emotional stumbling blocks that can prevent you from performing your best.

I was grateful to already have an established client/therapist relationship with her, when my injury occurred.  Overnight, our focus together changed from performing at my peak, to daily tasks.  In the blink of an eye I went from feeling confident, at the top of my game, ready to bring that game to a competition setting to "What just happened to me?"  Melinda continues to be my weekly foundation of "You can do this."  She also offers a lens and perspective on the insecurities athletic injuries mirror in those around them.  Its been eye-opening.

I had one girlfriend say to me, "Almine, your collarbone is overwhelming to me.  I'm sorry.  I'm going to need some space from you when you're like this."  I was stunned.  Truly.  I couldn't get out of bed by myself.  All I did was ask her to help me out of bed.  She walked out my front door instead.  All I could think was, "Well, thank God, this wasn't worse than a collarbone break.  She would've been running for the hills."

My job as a health care provider is to offer relief, a listening ear, and support for people in pain.   You will find that people you know and trust are comfortable with you as a pillar of strength in their life, but not when you're weak.  Its a rude awakening.  This will act as a "friend filter."  It will clarify, in a harsh, clear, abrupt manner, whose there for you, and who really isn't, when the chips are down.  Its a painful realization, but it distills those people down, who are necessary for our life growth, and those who aren't.

For those of you who haven't been to Bend, Oregon, its an outdoor enthusiasts dream.  It's been called "Little Boulder."  It has some similarities to Boulder, Colorado, but on a smaller scale (& offers more affordable cost of living).  People move here for the year 'round outdoor life.  Mountain biking, kayaking, white water rafting, trail-running, rock climbing, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, etc.  Its all here in abundance.  What that also means is that activity is entrenched with friendship, and vice versa.  You see your friends, because of the sports you share.  When you're no longer able to do those sports, they virtually disappear from you life.  Its lonely and awkward.  They don't know if they should invite you to climb, run, etc., because they don't want to make you feel weird.  But, then you feel left out.  Almost like you did in 4th grade, when you didn't get invited to the birthday party.  Its a no win situation.  You social circle dissipates.  Its gets small.  And your happiness starts to shrink with it.

Climbing at "Smith Rock," Terrebonne, Oregon

This, too, is something I've been grateful to have Melinda to help me navigate, emotionally.  I didn't anticipate to what extent this affected me.  Most of the sports I do take at least you and another person to accomplish.  Climbing is the way, Jiu-Jitsu is this way, etc.  Now, my life consists of my head under the water in the pool, swimming, on a spin bike, or in a Pilates class.  None of these offer the social interaction that I'm used to, and that I value so much in the sports I do.  It is lonely, when you go from socially dependent sports to a "solo sport."  The "rules" change in your life about how to navigate friendship, when everyone else is playing outside.

The last thing I'll share some thoughts on is the pros/cons of social media.  I look at social media like water, like money.  Its neutral.  It can help or harm.  Empower or destroy.  Its in the intent of the user.  Its a beautiful marketing tool for the self-employed (like myself).  Its fast, free, efficient, and can reach large groups of people with the "click" of a button.  The "shadow" side of social media, to me, however, is that it has made humans "emotionally crippled," or "lazy."  We believe, sitting there, staring at someone's posts means that you truly know them.  This is inaccurate.  We all post what we want others to see.  Again, this is good for marketing.  There's nothing wrong with marketing.  Its how we eat and keep our lights on.  But, please make note:  staring at someone's posts doesn't mean you REALLY know them, know what level of pain they're experiencing, and is a lazy way of making yourself feel better that you've "checked in on them."  Know of someone, whose in your "inner circle" of your life whose in pain (for whatever reason)?  Pick up the phone.  Drop by their home.  Ask them what you can do for them (in whatever capacity you're able to help), bring them a meal.  Texting is barely adequate, and a small step up from nothing, but it IS better than nothing.  Don't let yourself fall into the trap of "emotional numbness."

Even saying, "I feel inadequate, and helpless, seeing you in so much pain" is powerful.  Its a friend offering their vulnerability back to you.  You don't have to know what to say or do.  I think someone holding your hand, saying that they don't know what to do for you is more powerful than the emotional "cop out" of saying/doing nothing at all.

All, in all, I would say this has been in the top 3 worst adult years for me.  Its been a powerful in-depth look at areas of my life that were "stuck," or "stagnant."  One day at a time, as I dig my way out of physical pain, isolation from friends and activities, back to re-discovering who I am, I build strength.  The phoenix rising from the ashes is a powerful symbol of what the emotional journey of death, injury, surgery or divorce is like.  You are not the same, with every inch you claw your way out.  You also gain exponential internal strength with every claw mark you make.

The phrase "BE MORE HUMAN" reminds us all that we are vulnerable...no matter how hard we pretend we're not, and that there's no cyber substitute for holding someone's hand, and bringing them a meal.

 

How To Fall In Love With Your Sport (Again)

"Obstacles Are Put  In Your Way To See If What You Want Is Really Worth Fighting For"

 

 

 

I think about this statement a lot.  Inevitably, the sports you do will wax and wane with success.  No one is successful 100% of the time.   This can create frustration, and lead to the question of "Why am I doing this anyway?" 

 

If you go back, and re-read January's blog post, titled "Finding Your WHY,"  this can assist you in doing an "internal inventory" regarding your training.  Every athlete needs to re-motivate him/herself periodically.  "Plateaus" are part of training, & (at least for me), are the hardest to contend with.

 

My worst trait is impatience.  This is predominately with myself.  I work hard, and like to see results...quickly.  Yet, anything worthwhile doesn't come easy.  It's the attribute of perseverance that yields a champion.  A champion will do what others won't.  When others sleep, he/she trains.  When others seek comfort, he/she practices being comfortable with the uncomfortable.

 

This process is rewarding, yet can also take a toll on the psyche.  It can create "burnout," and prevent an athlete from breaking past plateaus, when they feel they've "hit-a-wall" with their training.

 

In Jiu-Jitsu, there's something loosely termed "The Blue Belt Curse."  This means that, often, when people get their blue belt, they quit Jiu-Jitsu.  Just when they broke through the "just-trying-to-survive" white belt stage, they burn out.  You see this in all sports.  The plateau-frustration stages that you'll invariably hit can weed out those who are serious about training, versus those who aren't.

The question is, when you hit a stage of frustration in your training ( and this can be due to many things), what can you do about it?  How can you re-focus, shift your frustration pattern of thinking back to "training mode," wake up ready to be excited again about your sport?

Let's first identify some causative factors that can produce the plateau-frustration effect.  There are many.  These are just a few. 


- Working With The Same Coach For Years On End
- Poor Diet ("I Workout, So I Can Eat Whatever I Want")
- Not Enough Water/Fluid Intake
- Training The Same Way All The Time (which can also be connected to working with the same coach)
-Poor Body "Maintenance"1.)  Working With The Same Coach:  There are pros/cons to this.  On one hand, if you have a highly experienced coach, you are able to really practice his/her way of training, & get specifically good at that one style.  This, of course, can be of benefit.  This can, eventually, make you an expert in a specific way of training.  While this has many "upsides" to it, this also has many "downsides."  No one coach or person has ALL the answers.  If you find a coach/trainer that you "mesh" with, by all means, stay with him/her.  However, to keep things "fresh" with your training, it never hurts to get a 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th opinion.  Work with your coach, but attend specialty workshops by other experts also.  Sometimes it just takes a new perspective to get you excited to train again.  Sometimes it even takes a fresh voice to say the same thing you've heard, repeatedly, but said in a different way.  It then "sinks in"...you get excited at your new understanding...and are ready to get back...and give it 100% again.  Always seek new knowledge in your sport.  Always attend workshops, seminars, watch videos about it, read books to increase your breadth of knowledge.  This will keep things interesting, and you excited to get up, yet again, and give it your best.  Every expert has many teachers behind him/her.

 

2.)  Poor Diet:  I can't emphasize this enough.  I blow up social media with this message.  As a health care provider, fitness trainer and "CrossFit" coach, I can't help it.  My passion is motivating people to better lifestyle choices, and this always starts with your nutrition.  As an athlete, it's even more vital that this becomes top priority.  You can't put bad fuel in a car, and expect it to run properly.  Your nutrition is paramount to preventing "burn out," and helping you move past training plateaus.  You need to pretend you never heard the saying "You Can Eat Whatever Your Want If You Workout."  I couldn't disagree more.  In fact, I'd even reverse that, and say, if you want the benefits of being an athlete, you have to have a disciplined nutrition plan, no ifs, ands, or buts.  Repeated injury can happen, not only from training incorrectly, but from poor nutrition.  Not giving the body adequate nutrients, thereby, not feeding the body properly is a recipe for training disaster.  "Bonking" is a common term amongst athletes.  It means being past the state of hypo-glycemia, and therefore, far past a "negative checking account balance," of vitamins and minerals.  Its difficult to recover motivation at this point.  And, let's face it, an injury (and repeated ones, at that) are deflating to the morale.  Good nutrition is a large percentage in preventing both repeated injuries and "bonking."

 

 

3.)  Not Enough Water/Fluid Intake:   A reduction of just 2% of fluid can result in reduced athletic output by as much as 10-20%. This is not insignificant. Ponder for a moment the amount of energy that goes into training to improve by just 5%. All that, and more, can be lost by inadequate hydration.  Water intake is something I'm constantly working on.  Its something that every athlete should pay attention to.  The times I tend to forget to drink water is typically when I'm doing something in the cold (like snow-shoe running), and swimming.  You are expending more calories in the pool than you think, but for some reason, when I lap swim, I get "in the zone," and forget to drink water in between laps.  This is something I'm now making a concerted effort to do.  Pay attention to the times that you tend to forget to bring, or drink, water.  Then, make an effort to change that.

Jiu-Jitsu at "Clark's University of Martial Arts," Bend, OR.

Girls That Lift Are Strong & Confident

 

4.)  Training The Same Way All The Time:  This can be connected to #1.  After all, if you work with the same coach, day in, day out, you may get in a rut, working out the same way.  People often ask me how I can do so many different sports, and not get injured.  I share with them "It's because I do so many different sports that I don't get injured."  I truly believe that being a "mono-sport" athlete is not the way to go, for most, in the way of fitness and longevity.  Even the top mono-sport athletes, now cross-train.  At least, the best ones do.  I know several ultra-runners that also weight train.  As they should.  Weight training will do something totally different (and necessary) for their body that cardio won't.  I also believe it goes both ways.  My big power lifter/strength patients lack agility, speed, and flexibility, because they rarely do cardio, and stretch.  My motto is:  "I will cross-train your cross-training."  You body should have zero idea what you're going to ask it to do, when you wake up each morning.  It should be ready for anything:  run, jump, lift, climb, swim, bike, row, bend, stretch, dance, whatever.  The minute you become a "specialist" in any one area of fitness is the minute you hit a "plateau."  Whatever your given sport is, consider cross-training as your ticket to staying in that sport.  Anytime you train the same way, for months and years on end, you're asking for overuse/repetitive injuries.  Why do triathletes tend to suffer less injuries versus runners or cyclists alone?  Because they're constantly asking their body to train differently.  Even though more sports are involved in a triathlon versus a marathon, you're less likely to get injured.  It's counter-intuitive, but the more different types of activities you do, the less likely you are to get injured.  The body wasn't designed to eat the same food, over and over, and it's no different for exercise.  Cross-training also prevents boredom, and keeps things fun :)


5.)  Poor Body "Maintenance":  Now I put on my acupuncturist hat.  I'm constantly amazed at how well we maintain our cars, homes, and care for our pets...but, not ourselves.  People have a funny notion that it's "charitable" to put themselves last.  Not one of my Mom clients/patients have said this has worked well for them.  We run ourselves ragged care-taking everyone else, yet our own "gas tank" is on "E."  You must put the same amount of effort (if not more) into taking care of your body.  My guy patients only typically come in to see me, because their wife/girlfriend made the appointment for them.  They grumble their whole first treatment, then come back to the second treatment reluctantly admitting that they feel better.  Once their symptoms start to disappear, they then ask me how often should they come in.  I (only semi jokingly) say "You're On The 'Jiffy Lube' plan.  When that sticker on your windshield says it's time for an oil change then you come in for one of your own."  That seems to work.  I have my own plan, which I highly recommend for every athlete.  Every 3 months I do CPR:  "Crack," "Poke," and "Rub".  That stands for chiropractic, acupuncture and  massage.  I play hard, and want to continue playing hard.  I know my body needs "tune-ups" and "oil changes," just like my car.  In fact, it's more important than my car, because it's the "house" I live in.

 

 

If you give your attention to the following things listed, you will skate over training plateaus easily.  Molding your body into an efficient, strong, capable machine is a joy.  There are bound to be a few  "obligatory" bumps and bruises along the way, but don't lose your enthusiasm.  Sports offer us limitless bounds to test our capabilities in so many ways.  From the inner to the outer levels of who we are.  Frustration is normal.  It can be a way of doing an inventory in your life to see where the "holes" are in your training.  This can be a powerful way of participating in your health, and enriching your life with success, confidence, and growth.

 

 

 

Climbing At "Smith Rock," 2015